My first memory of the word lesbian was when it was being used against me by my bullies. Age 12 and already a bit of an outsider for being a fat, sci-fi loving, video game playing, maths geek, I had cut my hair short - a decision that led to my first encounter with homophobia. I can’t imagine that I really understood it, but with that experience the feeling that I was something wrong, bad and unacceptable as a human being began to be deeply embedded.
This was 1990, and I was in the middle of my school education under section 28. The only lesbians we knew about popped up on the TV for two weeks a year during Wimbledon, and then disappeared again. I often think how different my life would have been if there had been role models for me back then But all I had to help me navigate my identity were the worst of cartoon stereotypes.
So, naturally, I grew my hair back out and stayed firmly in the closet for another 15 years, internalising all the shame and pretending to be the person I thought I should be - or at least the person I felt other people thought I should be.
Today is Lesbian Visibility Day, a day which is about being yourself, being proud, breaking out of those stereotypes and making visible the breath-taking range of what a lesbian can look like. Representation matters, and visibility is not just for ourselves but for current and future generations. I want to be visible and proud alongside all my fellow lesbians today. I do it for the 12 year old me, who so desperately needed to see us all.
